Is it true that when you can't think straight, you're incapable of thought? I don't know, but I might be experiencing something very similar at the moment. Cloudy visions blur my sight as my mind takes me, continually, back to the days that led up to the current one. I don't know why it is so hard to forget the things that haunt us, but I can't seem to even live them down at times. Why, in all of my stress, am I fine then? Why am I smiling, why am I happy; what within this fucked up structure that I currently have makes me feel like everything will be okay?

Is it because everything has always turned out okay? Maybe it is because most of the problems I have ever had, I inadvertently created through irresponsible actions.

I'm not even sure what I'm typing right now, but I know that my purpose tonight is to withdraw from hesitation while taking a leap forward in a new direction - regardless of how right it may be. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet, but the more cryptic and fucked up thing is that I'm in there with them. I have been wrestling with my past while re-living it through a more refined way of tactful placement when it comes to my decisions.

A good example of this can be found in my handling of currency. I don't really respect the amount of money I own, but mostly because I don't really respect the actions that are required to obtain it.

I hope I wake up tomorrow and understand anything I'm trying to articulate right now, but maybe the point is to not articulate, but rather meditate. I talk too damn much.